Unable to get relays to work

I cannot get any relays to follow me back on my akkoma instance, they are constantly in a state of pending when I checked the database and journalctl spits this out. I don’t know if it’s related:

Aug 13 08:26:20 vps-812c82b3 mix[19079]: 08:26:20.797 request_id=GMtP8qe3akH1tZYAACyR [error] Internal server error: %Plug.Conn.InvalidQueryError{message: “invalid UTF-8 on urlencoded params, got byte 249”, plug_status: 400}

My relay looks like this in the admin-fe:

there are no posts in my instance that I can find. It still federates but only for followed user.

listing my relays i get:

08:35:41.040 [debug] QUERY OK source=“activities” db=1.4ms queue=1.1ms idle=186.3ms
SELECT a0.“id”, a0.“data”, a0.“local”, a0.“actor”, a0.“recipients”, a0.“inserted_at”, a0.“updated_at” FROM “activities” AS a0 WHERE ((a0.“data”)->>‘type’ = $1) AND (a0.“data”->>‘state’ = ‘pending’) AND (a0.“actor” = $2) [“Follow”, “``https://social.example.com/relay”``]
https://relay.toot.io/actor`` - no Accept received (relay didn’t follow back)

I use the source based version of akkoma.

EDIT: I have also set allow_relay to true and that does not fix the problem whatsoever.

I was able to get https://rel.re/ to work with my instance.

I believe that there might be an incompatibility between Akkoma and various large relays as they don’t seem to work properly with Akkoma… Is this to be expected?

My knowledge about relays may be very outdated, but I remember there were indeed two different techniques used. Akkoma uses one of them, but possibly not the other. So if that’s indeed the case, and the relay you try to subscribe to uses the other way, then that could explain why it’s not working.

I checked https://rel.re/ now and I see they show two ways of subscribing (and what to use for which software), so I guess that indeed explains it. This relay supports both techniques, the others probably don’t.

also, haai! welcome to the akkoma forum!